The Handmaid's Tale vs. The Bold Type

Two of my of the moment favorite shows: "The Handmaid's Tale" and "The Bold Type" (TBT). Both shows tightly focus on the female experience in our current time-ish.  If you have not heard by now that Margaret Atwood's 1980s novel The Handmaid's Tale has become a hit tv series on Hulu you have disengaged from pop culture in a very real way. And that is perfectly ok. The thing is this might be the appropriate time to reengage. Let me give you a hand.

In "The Handmaid's Tale" Peggy from Mad Men is now June/Offered in a dystopian, totalitarian America where the birth rate was so low and Americans so fearful that they allowed a religious cult to take over the government and institute ritualized sexual slavery to save us all from ourselves. That is the gist of this dark, often mysterious show. What's that now? Why would you want to watch that? Because it inexplicably timely. The characters accept each new assault on their freedom with some consternation, but never the anger and outrage one would expect. At least not until it is too late.

I watched the first season last summer binging episodes late at night and reading blogs that unpacked each of the dense storylines. I eagerly awaited season two as it moved into unchartered territory. The first season ended with the book. After the first few episodes of the second season I stopped watching. It was torture porn. Every week June/Offred was assaulted or demeaned in some unspeakable way. The other characters did not fare any better. I asked the ladies on the forum I follow closely to let me know if the second season turns the corner to something more positive.

That turn happened recently. The women gained some power and exercised it to make things better.

Then suddenly there was talk of June/Offred's unborn baby being taken from her and the forgotten horror of child separation as a practice in the fictional country came rushing back. But not just on the how. This was also happening here in this country, in this time. It was incredibly hard to watch the news and the show. Watching life imitate art should never be this painful. I think another hiatus is needed from the "Handmaid's Tale". It has become too hard especially in light of the separations at the border.

After feeling drained and oppressed I switched to TBT. It's a "Sex And the City" (SATC) millennial version with a lesbian, bi-racial character. This fixes many of the diversity issues we saw on our beloved SATC. In stark contrast to "The Handmaid's Tale" I feel uplifted after watching TBT. I love seeing these young women critically engaged in their careers and friendships with one another. There are no oppressive patriarchic systems crushing them out of existence. There are male characters in supporting roles, but the drama is not typically about them. There is even a female Editor-in-Chief who could easily be the villain, but she is not. She is finally the good boss that seeks to mentor these three young women as they navigate the cutthroat fashion magazine world in New York.

Of course these shows are not met to be competitors in any way. What they are though are places where modern women can see themselves. Where we can indulge in the fantasy of other realities for ourselves. This is harder to do in "The Handmaid's Tale" of course. I cannot help but see myself in the characters even, or perhaps especially, when they are in their darkest hour.

Chinese Foods Unknown

TEDx Savannah crew

About that TEDx Savannah event I so eagerly lobbied to be part of last month. It was AMAZING. As I hoped I had the opportunity to go behind the "curtain." It was a lot of work back there. It was two days of working closely with the team who produce the event, but also time well spent with the speakers. The talks were fascinating. There was the rocket scientist who loves to paint, the Gullah descendant who works in STEM and the college professor who studies scatological iconography. It was a 48 hours I won't soon forget.

I connected with some great folks. One of them is a Chinese graduate student. Do you love Chinese food as much as I do? Have you ever gone to a Chinese restaurant and saw a massive table with only Chinese people eating dishes that were clearly not on the menu and wondered WTF? I have experienced this phenomenon several times. I have spent a good portion of my waking hours and perhaps a few sleeping hours pondering how to gain access to the hidden menu. It seemed impossible until I met Carrie (I changed her name to protect her anonymity). She was drawn to me when she heard I was from New York. I was drawn to her when I saw her amazing t-zone highlight. We discussed make-up and the eight-step Korean skincare method before turning to food just before I stumbled upon an incredible secret.

Me: How long have you been in the US?
Carrie: One year and a half.
Me: Are you wearing make up or is that your actual skin?
Carrie: Oh no! Is it too much?
Me: No, not at all. I wasn't even sure it was makeup.

That is when she pulled out her Chanel highlight palette. If you are a woman reading this you know just how intimate of an act this is. As I turned the elegant compact over in my hands I knew I had crossed an important boundary and prepared to move the discussion toward food.

Me: Do you like American food? It must be very different from food in China...
Carrie: I do like American food.
Me: I love Chinese. In New York we have great Chinese food but, I have not found any good restaurants here yet.
Carrie: I want to go to New York very much. I'm trying to get an internship there this summer. There's a very good Chinese restaurant in Georgetown. It's called Wang II.

I sat staring at her speechless. First of all I could scarcely believe I was a part of this discussion, but that is not what left me dumbstruck. I could not believe she loved Wang II. This place does not even have a website. I have been to Wang I and was not impressed so this was confusing AF. I quickly pulled it up on my phone.

Me: You go to this place? Wang II? (I jabbed at my screen with my pointy little index finger.)
Carrie: Yes, it is so good.

Perplexed, but undeterred I pushed onward. I pulled up the menu on Yelp.

Me: Carrie, can you please show me what you order when you go to Wang II? (I cradled my phone gently offering it to her with childlike gestures.)

Carrie: Ummm..well..I can't..do that.

Carrie's eyes began to dart around the room. Perhaps she was looking for the nearest exit because I had clearly stumbled upon one of the last remaining secrets in western history!

Me: Why not Carrie? (I was calm, struggling to drain any hint of aggression or anxiety from my voice. My voice would not betray me today.)

I tried to sound pleading. Curious, but not too curious. Concerned, but not worried.

Carrie: There's a separate menu, for Chinese.

I gasped and pulled my hand to my mouth so quickly it made a popping noise. Carrie nodded slowly reminding me of that popular Jack Nicholson gif.

I recovered from the popping gasp with such aplomb you will hug me with deep pride next time you lay eyes on my physical person. I was very cool and casual when I asked if we could go sometime and order off the special Chinese menu. She said yes and I watched as something like pride began to emerge from her eyes.

Ladies and gents when I get to Wang II and order from the Chinese menu you will be the very first to know.

Rest in peace Anthony Bourdain my food hero and inspiration.

This Was Bizarre Foolishness

Seven years out of the country will do a number on your pop culture knowledge among other things. There are quite a few shows out there that I have either never heard of or watched. Sometimes it is both. Bizarre Foods is one of those shows.

Part of the deal we made in order to come back to the U.S. was that Ryan would deploy three months out of the year. They doubled the deployment this year so he is gone for six months. We are almost half way through. I am learning some big lessons this go around. I am stronger than I thought, and having a fantastic support system has helped me to see that.

I am deepening my relationships with my family and learning how to insist people respect my boundaries. And I continue to navigate the brackish professional environment in Savannah. I am still working with my client. That is going very well. Also a friend of a friend recommended I connect with a temp agency. Typically the assignments do not work with my schedule with Hunter, but this week I made it happen. I had to hire someone to help, but it was well worth the effort to have an office outside of the home to go to everyday.

The assignment is nothing to brag about. Typical office work. Nothing I would be interested in doing full time, but the location is fantastic. I spent the week in historic downtown Savannah, which is hip, cool and trendy. Everyday I tried a new restaurant on the best of Savannah list. Friday I went to the Kayak Café. It almost felt like New York in there, but everyone was too laid back. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a chicken burrito. After a few minutes a man sat next to me. He was clearly a regular at Kayak. No sooner than he ordered his fresh salad did it appear. I wondered how much longer did a burrito take to prepare. I inquired about my meal as he chowed down on his. It came out almost immediately after I asked.

I noticed a certain air of aloofness wafting from the guy sitting next to me. He stood out in contrast to the relaxed atmosphere. Most people would have made some sort of gesture of hello; this is the south after all. I made a mental note that he did not, but my burrito was so good the thought quickly passed. We sat munching away at our respective meals in silence. Then I heard the waitress point out a young woman at the other end of the bar.

Waitress: We were just discussing how much you resemble Andrew Zimmern from the show Bizarre Foods.

Aloof guy: NO RESPONSE

If you were looking hard enough you could see a slight shrug to his shoulders. Perhaps a hint of annoyance, but overall he neither affirmed nor denied it. This was not the response I expected. If someone mistook me as a television personality I would definitely have a response. Unless I was the celebrity they thought I was! I turned to him quickly and asked if it happened often that people mistook him for...I stopped mid-sentence and asked who exactly he was supposed to be. He said the show is called Bizarre Foods. I asked how does that work out for you. His eyes lit up.

Celebrity guy: I wonder if should get an agent sometimes. There was this one time a woman jumped out of her car asking for my autograph.

Me: Oh that sounds a little over the top.

Celebrity guy: There was this one time a woman let me pat her on the ass.

Me: Eww

My shoulders automatically pulled back and I lowered my chin in disapproval. He turned away briefly.

Celebrity guy: I should not have said that.

Me: No you should not have. It was inappropriate.

He pushed his salad away.  

Celebrity guy: I am so embarrassed. I should not have said that to you.

He whispered once more that he was very embarrassed. He quickly paid his bill and left in a hurry.

The girl at the end of the bar asked what happened. She was shocked when I told her. This unfortunate encounter highlights aspects of the #metoo movement. It reinforced the entitlement men of a certain age and stature feel in the world. Whether it was his fame or his wealth, he felt entitled to speak to me in a way that made us both uncomfortable. He said he was embarrassed but, failed to apologize explicitly. On the bright side he policed himself. He knew it was a misstep and instead of making it worse he left.

I walked back to my office wondering if I had done something to invite the comment. Perhaps I should have not opened the conversation. Maybe I was wearing something that gave him the wrong idea. Then I remembered that he was embarrassed because he did something wrong. I did nothing wrong. In fact I did everything right.

Yep, I kept the ring

Last time on the Cat Who Swallowed the Canary I was having a moment at TEDx Savannah. I was on the precipice of discussing a little known fact about myself. When I ended my engagement with my first fiancé (yep, I kept the ring) I moved back to Brooklyn, New York from Rome, Italy. I worked hard to build a new life in my hometown mostly confident I had made the right decision. I landed my first job in finance. The job was stressful. There was a steep learning curve and the first tech bubble had just popped. I made time to date and create a robust social life. My cousin and shared a smashing apartment in a trendy neighborhood in Brooklyn with a sweet commute.

My boss at the time, let's call her Roxanne, was a stickler about time. It did not matter how late we stayed to get work done; at a few minutes before 9:00 am Roxanne made the rounds through our maze of cubicles to make sure we were in our seats. Late arrivals were not tolerated. My last Tuesday in the office began with a start. I slept through my alarm, and was running ten minutes behind. I pulled myself together quickly and bolted for the train. I was close to making up the time, when the train stopped just before it entered my station. Unbelievable! When the doors opened I slipped out with my eyes focused on getting through the turnstile. That is when I noticed a colleague from another department. He was rushing into the train. The expression on his face gave me slight pause, but then I thought about Roxanne staring at my empty chair in the meeting and regained my momentum.

I climbed the stairs out of the subway two at a time. At the surface I checked my watch. It was 8:55. It would take me another three minutes to get to the 33rd floor of WTC 2, but there was smoke and what I thought was debris coming out of WTC 1. I called Roxanne to tell her there was an incident and I would be late, but I could not get through. I know now from trauma therapy that I went into shock as my brain tried to protect me from the horror that was people making the awful choice to jump out of the windows of the highest floors of WTC 1. I continued to make my way to the building when the second plane hit. I was less than a block away. The ball of fire the explosion created was so big and so hot that I could feel the heat on my on the side of my face. There was a collective scream from the hundreds of us on the ground, and then a stampede of people running at me. I hid in a small space between buildings until there was a clearing. Then I ran.

I made it home to Brooklyn just before the Towers collapsed. I saw the ball of fire for weeks after in my nightmares. I worked for a large firm with an even larger parent company in Hartford, CT. With our headquarters destroyed, our fearless leaders decided to relocate us to CT.

When the dust settled we were asked to document the belongings we had in the building at the time of the attack. We were reimbursed with very few questions. With everything that had happened it was difficult to remember everything in my desk. In the end it did not matter much. Creating the list more than anything triggered survivor's guilt. I was wracking my brain trying to remember if I left my sweater on the back of my chair or not while others had lost their lives. It was a difficult process to work through, but being in Hartford helped. The distance created a much needed buffer.

Having survived together, my colleagues and I were tightly bonded. We recovered together in a sort of cocoon. We had shared this singular experience. One which very few people could understand. When I left the company five years later my anonymity and individuality returned. It was a relief to forget. September 11 anniversaries came and went. Fewer people knew I was there that day. It receded into the background of my life.

I was the guest speaker on base in Italy one year during the memorial, but was so triggered that I stopped talking about it for another few years. Then TEDx Savannah came up on my radar. This year the event is being held at the Savannah International Trade Center. I tried my best not to say the name of the location because every time I said it, I said world trade center. In this year of living authentically I recognized the Freudian slip. Instead of ignoring it I embraced it. In my correspondence with the Nick, the volunteer organizer, I told him I was there that day. He mentioned it at the first volunteer session. I knew there was a chance he might, but I was unprepared to speak about it with strangers. I faltered a bit. My apprehension is rooted in my desire not to profit in anyway from the lives that were lost that day. I honor them when I live. When I pursue my dreams. When I am fiercely authentic in my life that was spared on that tragic day. I survived that day, but I thrive everyday after.

A Confluence of Events

Who does not love a good Ted talk? Come on, there is something for everyone on that site. I love them. Of course some are better than others. Just depends on what you are into. When I arrived in Savannah after seven years in Europe, I realized a few things were different in America or had completely changed. Online banking was still in its infancy when I left. Now I can deposit checks with my phone! Urgent Care medical facilities are everywhere. These did not exist when I left. I either begged for an appointment with my primary care physician or panicked as I read through possible lethal conditions on WebMD. My mom is visiting and her shoulder pain flared up. No. Big. Deal. Took her to urgent care. She got a cortisone shot and was back to normal within an hour.

One of the biggest surprises is TEDx events. I kind of sort of heard about them, but did not know the details. TEDx are independent TED-like events. That was all I thought I needed to know. Then I followed a former colleague's IG account. We reconnected a few months after I got settled in Savannah. She was excited and busy with a successful fashion company she launched a few years ago. She told me she wanted to do more with her IG account. And then she posted a link to her TEDx talk.

She looked fabulous. None of the years that passed since the last time I saw her showed. I listened intently expecting to hear how she launched her business or how going to an Ivy League graduate school changed the trajectory of her life. Instead I heard about her near-death experience. She was diagnosed with cavernous sinus thrombosis. A condition that left her in a medically induced coma for five days. She recovered from the serious health crisis and remains at the helm of her company, Cepi Style.

Within a matter of days my friend who asked me to help him start his start up told me he is a scheduled speaker at TEDx Savannah on May 11. I adore coincidences but, this confluence of events portended something special. Two TEDx pings in my inner circle in one week? Something big was underfoot. Next I did a little research. TEDx Savannah is a full day of "ideas worth spreading." Intrigued, I dug deeper. When I watch TED talks I get riled up and inspired. I imagined what a day of that kind of stimulation would do to my overactive imagination. I would be overwhelmed. I would want more. One day of ideas could never be enough. I would want to tell the world about it over and over again. I would drive those near and dear to me mad.

I clicked the volunteer button. I had to get behind the curtain, and stave off a potential obsession. I have indulged those and it ain't pretty. Instead I would meet new people and learn new ideas and discuss those ideas and my ideas, and you get the picture. I said a little about myself. I skillfully excluded any penchant for obsessive tendencies and general fan girl inclinations. Then poof, I sent my email into the ether. I did not think about it again until I received a fascinating response from one of the organizers. It began: Dear Mickie, (he had me at dear Mickie) I am thrilled to have you on board for the TEDx Savannah 2018 volunteer team. What happened next gave me the courage to reveal a little known experience of my own.

Until next time on The Cat Who Swallowed the Canary.

The opportunity of a lifetime is within my grasp

Last time on "The Cat Who Swallowed the Canary" I was in a meeting that I thought was a job interview. Reminds me of the time I thought I was on a date with someone who thought we were just friends. Man, that was a bad night, but I digress. Thankfully this scenario has a much better finale. As it turns out the CEO was looking for a brand consultant. Someone who could take stock of the organization and take it to the next level. And just like that the opportunity of a lifetime was in my grasp. It blends everything I have been working towards professionally and personally. All the prayers, all the networking and all the brainstorming finally made sense.

I left the meeting buoyed with optimism and pride that I created an opportunity that did not exist before I walked into that space. He took the meeting out of curiosity, but my suggestions were creative and persuasive enough that he wanted me to work with him, not for him. The role as Creative Director and Consultant is only a few hours a week, but they are of my own design. I went home and thought through what I wanted to accomplish. It is a large task, but I focused on a few areas where I can have a large impact. My proposal included an hourly wage, scope and timeline. He agreed to all in writing with very little fanfare. Outwardly I handled it as a seasoned professional, but inside I was a giddy little girl twirling in her favorite ruffled dress. This is perfect for me, but not enough for me at the same time. I need to work, but I also need a great deal of flexibility because with Ryan gone I am essentially a single parent. I have should have warned you; Capricorns with rising Libras are complicated.

This new endeavor has attracted some interesting attention. A friend asked me for help with his start up. I can hardly believe I wrote that. Yes, someone I know pro-cas (professionally-casually) wants to structure his start up so that I have shares in exchange for my expertise. This is an amazing opportunity that takes me into a dizzying wormhole of possibilities. I am not convinced I have the time to get involved, but I am on long calls with the team deep into the night strategizing how to create buzz around this parking idea. I have plenty on my plate and it could be a while before there is an app and it goes live and contracts are signed. I talk myself out of every call, but talk all night we do, and after every call I wonder how I will feel if I opt out and it is the next Uber, without all the gross stuff of course. Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

It is called the present because it is a gift

When my eyes are open, and I mean all the way open I encounter inspiration everywhere. And by open I mean being present in the moment. I have been working at this for a few years and I am still a novice. I still plan as far out as I can and panic if I do not have anything in my planner at least two months ahead. I am a control freak and planning provides the much needed illusion that I have control over what happens in my environment. I have made incremental progress in dismantling this thought process, but I still have a long way to go. I have been practicing the art of letting go and accepting what is. No easy feat for an anxiety prone, control obsessed, introverted extrovert. We all have our challenges, and like hard work at the gym I am beginning to see the fruits of my labor.

I have a cohort of neighbors that meet every Sunday. Some of us go to the same church and others just live in the neighborhood. We meet to discuss our week, the challenges we face and we pray for guidance and strength to overcome them. We also practice the fine art of gratitude. We discuss all we have and give thanks with the expectation of what we will receive. Sometimes the discussions go deep extending into spiritual warfare, premonitions and the gift of hindsight. It is that kind of group.

The group has three other moms. They seemed comfortable in their roles as wife and mother being a priority in their lives. Careers are important to them but, not the driving force of their lives. Meanwhile I felt as if my entire identity was crumbling as I struggled with my job search. The stay-at-home moniker hung over my head like a dark rain cloud holding heavy with water threatening to beat me into the pavement. I held this panic tight in my chest until one day I expressed this fear out loud to the group. I was embarrassed but, also worried I would insult my friends. They empathized with my struggle, and encouraged me to let go of the vision that raising my son and taking care of my family was less worthy work. Turns out I was the only one judging myself. When I stopped judging I had more energy to focus on a solution. A solution that would meet my needs as a sometimes single parent when Ryan deploys.

I stopped worrying about my CAREER. I kept searching, but with less desperation in my heart. I used this blog, my meet up group, Toastmasters and volunteering at events I am interested in to refocus on what makes me feel alive. Ironically the more extracurricular events I participated in, the more energy and passion I had for my family.

During one of our Sunday meetings one of the moms with older kids asked for my resume. She circulated it among her friends who it turns out are a who's who of Savannah. I started getting calls asking what kind of work I was interested in because my resume states I can do almost anything. Flattered, but not exactly happy because it had been a year and no serious job offers. Then on a whim my friend mentioned me to her CEO. He and I chatted one day on my way home from school. Honestly, I was not well prepared for the call. I was driving home from school and therefore exhausted. We agreed to meet in a few days.

I was better prepared for the meeting at his office. I understood his business and had intel about  the recently vacated marketing position. The goal going into the meeting was to secure a full time position. Figure out childcare later. I was reciting this in my head as the CEO said he did not consider me for the marketing position. I almost missed it because I was not paying attention. I was not in the moment. I took a few solid deep breaths and looked around the room with new eyes. I realized I was not there to ask him to hire me. There was something bigger and better in store for me.