Never Saw that Coming

She called it Jagged Little Pill and it changed the lives of young women who were of dating age in 1995. She sung about our discontent with our friends, lovers past and present, and our parents. Alanis knew our hurts both big and small. She was and remains our hero even as she has transitioned to a new role as earth mother with a podcast focused on self improvement and deepening relationships with our intimate partners.

In 1995 I was a brand new college graduate trying to find my way in the world having no clue where I might end up in twenty years. Well here I am in 2016 married with kid in Italy. Last night I rediscovered Jagged Little Pill. I started singing and dancing while Hunter sung along in his own toddler language. Alanis was describing deep heartache that was all consuming. We hurt with her even when we did not quite understand it all. We were still a little ways off from that kind of love, but we knew those relationships were out there so we listened. She told us stories about her ex-boyfriend's new wife when none of us could even imagine being a wife. The hints at motherhood sailed over our heads as we sympathized with her pain after the breakup. This album doesn't tell us what's next. Does she stay angry? Do we?

She doesn't stay angry. She forgoves the guy and herself for picking the guy in the first place. She gets married and has a kid. And we did too. I never thought there would be such a day that I would sing Alanis lullabies to my two year old son, and he would watch me jump and down singing with his bottle of milk as my microphone. Never saw that coming. Childeren can heal a lot of the stuff that went wrong before they showed up. For proof listen to your breakup songs and feel how far you have come and how much you have grown.

Eventually Hunter got very tired. My dancing has that effect on people. It makes them tired just watch me. He looked at me adoringly and patted the pillow next to his head. His big brown eyes said Mama come lay next to me you are making me tired. Mission accomplished. My little guy was sound asleep within minutes.

The Best Four Days

You know that episode of Xena: Warrior Princess in season 2 when she goes to the Land of Chin and she is dressed for the those below freezing nights? It is one of those high adventure story lines that gave the fans details about Xena's backstory.

Well that episode was running through my head all weekend as I paraded the streets of Eastern Europe, specifically Croatia and Slovenia. It was one of those unplanned adventures that ended up being the best four days I have had in long, long while.

To get the full effect of the trip I need to provide some context. Ryan and his brothers are serious Stars Wars geeks, with my father-in-law serving as the ring leader of the group. When he suggested Ryan come home for Christmas so they could all go see the Stars Wars premier together Ryan became a little teary eyed. It all happened so fast and my work is so crazy at the moment, it was impossible to get away for three weeks with a little over a week's notice.

Friends and family thought I was crazy. Who stays in a foreign country ALONE for Christmas, their birthday and New Years? It probably sounds incredibly lonely, sad and downright depressing. My dad kept asking how long I was planning to wait before I bought my ticket. To be honest I did think about buying a last minute more than once, but I didn't. My aunt asked how I could let Ryan take Hunter away. I reminded her that Ryan is Hunter's father not some random guy from who-knows-where. I stuck with the plan and part of the plan included taking care of our three cats while Ryan took Hunter on his own very big adventure.

It was Hunter's first transatlantic flight and it went very smooth. He watched movies, ate, slept and was in great spirits when they arrived at their final destination.

Introducing my doppelgänger, Ky. What's that you ask? What's a doppelgänger? It is a German word for twin.

Introducing Ky My Doppleganger (I am exhausted in this picture)

For a few months now I have heard that there is a woman in the community that 'some' people think we look alike. (I am not one of those people.) Imagine my surprise when my friend Ky told me she was sick of people calling her Mickie. Incredulous, I inquired about the circumstances. Of the five people that have made the mistake of calling her Mickie two of them I know fairly well. They whole thing is weird but the best part, no the funniest part is her response. It something like this:

Oblivious person: Hey Mickie how are you?
Ky: Excuse me?
Oblivious person: Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were Mickie...
Ky: (All smiles) No, I'm the other black girl.

The oblivious person responds in various ways. It ranges from embarrassment to annoyance. The weird part is the reverse does not happen to me. As in I have yet to have someone think I am her. This  confusion was the spark of our friendship. We were acquaintances before (we were in Tanzania together last year) but, the hilarity of the situation created a simpatico familiarity. It was this new friendship that took us to Eastern Europe for New Years weekend.

We took a shuttle bus of all things to Croatia. The three hour drive went quickly. We had just enough time to drop our bags off at the hotel and make it to one of the outdoor concerts set up around the city. They keyword in the previous sentence is outdoor. I was freezing and no amount of hot wine could change that. We lasted approximately 45 minutes in the below freezing temperatures before heading back to our warm hotel. The next day was filled with sightseeing and preparation for our zero dark thirty train ride to Slovenia in the morning.

Ljublijana, Slovenia has been on my must see list for years, and with good reason. It's beautiful, cosmopolitan and has a dark side. Lots of dragon and witch motifs around the city center. All told it was a great trip. Looking forward to a visit in warmer temperatures.

I am well-rested in this picture

How to Survive Surviving a Fire

Jumping out the window to save my life was just the beginning of the story. In the weeks and months that followed a lot happened. We moved twice, not including the original move from our apartment before settling down in the new place. At one point we were managing three apartments, moving our belongings around as needs arose. All that moving was exhausting and a dear friend asked what I was doing for myself to remain resilient.

Ryan's mother and childhood best friend came to visit, providing much needed support. While we had help with Hunter, I went London to see my cousin. Even in August London is cold! The cooler temperatures were refreshing. I let my cousin dote on me. She cooked all my favorites and we spent most of our time talking. Our conversations went way into evening hours reminding us both of our childhood summers in Guyana.

I returned to Italy renergized and prepared to deal with a steady stream of questions about what happened and where we were living, and keeping Hunter's routine as close to normal as possible. I won't try to pretend it was easy and it was not until my father and stepmother arrived in country that life began to feel normal again.

We had such fun together! They got to know Hunter, we took day trips and spent a lot of time at home eating, our favorite pastime. We were enjoying ourselves so much that my father extended his stay three weeks. We both had the time of our lives. The extra time meant a day trip to Rome, wine tasting at my favorite winery and more after dinner trips to my favorite gelataria for dessert. Saying goodbye is never easy, but these days with Skype and FaceTime it's not so bad. 

Our time in Italy is winding down. We should be back stateside by summer next year. The past five years here have been incredible. Good thing I took the time to make a few notes about it here!

Where There's Smoke...

This photo was taken a week before the fire

Most of you have some idea about the electrical fire that destroyed our apartment in Vicenza last month. The important part is we all survived. All the details are not here, and I some of them are thankfully are already forgotten. I may never know why it happened, but I know this for sure:

Each obstacle we are faced with is another opportunity to use our power to be great

Military life is transient. I make friends here and after a time they move on to their new assignment. Susan is one such friend. Last month she moved to Korea to further her career as an Officer in the United States Army. As is the custom, her colleagues threw her a farewell dinner party. I had never eaten at the the restaurant where the dinner was scheduled so I ate a big meal before heading out. I am loving those Chili's chicken fajita bowls right now. I ate one of those and then several boiled shrimp. Feeling satisfied, I left Hunter with Ryan in the living room and went up stairs to freshen up before dinner. I was powdering my nose when I heard a loud pop and the electricity went out.

I yelled down to Ryan that the electricity went out again. This happened fairly often if there were more than a few appliances on in the apartment. As I approached the stairs leading to the area where Ryan and Hunter were I smelled and saw smoke. I immediately new something big was on fire, but I was not sure where. I screamed for Ryan. I waited a few seconds to hear what was going on before I proceeded down the stairs, but the sound Ryan made let me know something had gone terribly wrong. The staircase quickly filled with smoke. I yelled for Ryan to get Hunter and get out. I could not see my way down and was still unsure of where the fire was. I quickly went over to the window in the upstairs hallway to open it so I could get some light and air to see my way down the stairs, but to my horror thick black smoke rolled me back onto my heels. In shock I gasped taking in a chest full of smoke. I stumbled back to the bathroom with eyes burning and smoke choking my throat. 

I forced open the window and leaned out trying to breath, but there was too much smoke. Without thinking I jumped out of the window onto the adjacent window of a nearby building and waited for the fire department to rescue me. It took the fire department approximately one hour to extinguish the fire and rescue me. They frantically searched the apartment before they found me on a nearby window sill. I was rushed to the hospital, treated for mild scratches and shock, and reunited with Ryan and Hunter there. 

The fire destroyed over 70% of the apartment. The kitchen and parts of the living room are ok, but the rest including the bedrooms and our clothes are mostly gone. The most important items made it out just fine: Hunter, Ryan and me.  

The details of the days and weeks have lost their clarity, but a few things stand out. Our support system rallied around us, providing shelter and emotional support until we could figure out our next steps. We are still figuring out some of those, but we are safe,

together and moving forward!

Michelle was here. Yes that Michelle

First Lady of the United States (FLOTUS) was here in Vicenza a few weeks ago. It took me a couple of weeks to process my feelings about our time together. And by time together I mean the time in which I stared at her slack-jawed basking in her presence. I knew she was coming to Vicenza, but I did not expect to be within earshot of her voice. As the picture can attest, I was standing very close. I chose to stand off to the side as she shared inspirational messages with the young girls around me. She encouraged them to study, set goals and dream big. It was such a special moment for them, and it didn't feel right to interrupt.

After snapping a few pix I began the long walk back to my car with my colleague repeatedly asking if I was ok. I was ok, I was more than ok. I had just spent time with Michelle Obama. I was floating on air. Seeing her in person made me feel like I could do anything and everything I ever wanted to do in my life. The swell of emotions was intense. I never considered myself a FLOTUS 'fan', but seeing her in person, listening to her thoughts about the tragedy in Charleston, her concern for the Soldiers in harms way and their families who pray for they safe return was moving. Yes she is the First Lady, but she is many other things. She is a mother, a Princeton graduate, a lawyer, a wife, a multi-generational American and so much more. Michelle is proof of what is possible in America. Michelle Obama has overcome many challenges and obstacles, but she does not carry  the weight of that with her. She is filled with lightness, love and hope.

It was such a special day for our little American community to have her with us for a few hours. Talk about starting the summer off with bang! Looking forward to what else the Summer of 2016 has in store.

Where Did the Time Go?

As it turns out Hunter is not a baby anymore. He is a pre-toddler. In just under two months he will move to the the next phase of his education: the toddler class. In preparation for this new phase he needs to give up his pacifier and eat more solid foods. Where did the time go? It seems like it was just  yesterday when all he did was drink milk, poop and sleep.

These days he is doing much more than that. This weekend was Ryan's birthday and Hunter spontaneously said happy. All we want for our children is for them to be happy. That his first word was happy was one of Ryan best birthday gifts ever. He said it a few more times throughout the day and each time Ryan and I beamed at each other with joy

I have tried to interest Hunter in solid foods over the past few month without much success. All the food ends up in his lap. His recent check-up revealed that he needs to consume more calories like it or not. You know where this is going. He did not like most of what I tried to feed him, but moms have to be creative and persistent. I sat him down in front of one of his favorite shows and spoon fed him chicken, rice and vegetables. He protested at first, but every time he opened his mouth to cry I put a spoonful in and he ate it. He went back to crying as soon as he was done chewing and swallowing. We went on this way until all of the chicken, rice and vegetables were gone. The next day I tried homemade mashed potatoes. Things went the same as the day before. He cried, I put food in his open mouth, he swallowed and cried some more. On the third day I tried elbow pasta with tiny meatballs. I turned my attention away for a few seconds and Hunter had discarded the spoon and was feeding himself with his hands! In shock I just stared, and struggled not to make a big deal of it. I stared at him for minutes as he enjoyed his movie and his meatballs.

Preparing food for Hunter satisfies a deep maternal need to nourish him. Breastfeeding did not go so well for us, and cooking for him feels sort of like a do over. I am excited to cook my favorites for him because so far my instincts have been spot on about what he likes. I cannot wait for him to try my macaroni and cheese!

Nine Days Without Him

I spent nine whole days working in Arusha, Tanzania away from Hunter. Although I was very busy with work pulling 10+ hour days, I missed my little guy immensely. He missed me too. According to Ryan the first few days were OK, but by day three HP wanted to know where I was. He does not talk very much yet, but he expressed his displeasure in a myriad of ways. As Ryan described it, he was generally upset and inconsolable. I have never been gone for more than a few days,  and I worried about the effects my absence would have. I frequently reminded myself that at 16 months he would not remember any of this.  I also found solace in knowing Ryan and Hunter were spending quality time together. father-son time together.

Now what the heck was I doing in Africa? My office held a conference in Tanzania focused on better integrating women into militaries in African armies. A thrilling topic with my utmost interest. The first event was held last year, but I was still a new breastfeeding mom, and not thrilled with idea of leaving my infant son just yet. This time around I jumped at the opportunity. Tanzania is one of several stable countries in Africa. That did not mean there were no risks to traveling there. I had to get a series of immunizations and blood work done before my departure, take anti-malarial medication before, during and after my trip and never, never drink the tap water while in country. My first night in Tanzania I made a typical rookie mistake and brushed my teeth with tap water at the hotel. Luckily I did not experience any consequences as a result.

Still trying to reconcile my subtle expectations with the reality of my experience. Yes,  I did expect some version of a "welcome home sister"celebration. No such luck! No one cared. My skin color was irrelevant. In fact I was mistaken for a local at the airport upon my arrival. I halfway expected  a version of an African awakening; some sort of motherland recognition, but Tanzania was familiar yet distant. I did not experience the mythical bond with mother Africa. Brooklyn will always be home.

The first female Commander of the Ghana Navy

I met a number of extraordinary women serving their countries in leadership roles, and experienced the juxtaposition of a rural way of life transitioning to an urban landscape known as the developing world.  

I had a few projects printed at a local Tanzanian printer. My visit there illustrates what a developing economy looks like. After several minutes on one of the city's many asphalt roads, the car made a left on to a dirt road; an absolutely unpaved, rocky road. A road so difficult to maneuver, that pedestrians walked faster than the car. Many of them women with large, heavy looking packages on their heads. Some of the passerbys were local Masai warriors in their traditional plaid finery and tire-soled shoes.

After a few yards/meters on that road the vehicle made another left and stopped in front a building surround by a sif-foot high zinc fence. The driver helped me out of the van as I navigated the rocky path to the front door in my six inch heels. Inside was a throughly modern facility replete with A/C,  whirring machines and office workers going about their business. As I waited for my materials my colleague asked for the wifi password to check in while we waited. Within minutes we were communicating with our colleagues at the hotel as well as back at our home office.