Me trying to look suburban

The year is quickly coming to a close, and every year I say I am going to do more with the blog. Yet here I am with the new year coming at warp speed with no new exciting things happening on the blog. Of the many goals I had this year posting more frequently was definitely on my list. As we slide into 2018 I am going to try meet my goal and post new content everyday. This should be easy because I still have not found a job. February will be one year since we moved back to the United States of America where a TV star is the President.

To be perfectly honest being back is not what I expected. I expected to continue being a harried working mom, but without a nanny or husband because Ryan would be gone for three months shortly after we got here and I could not bring Marina with us. I thought I would miss Italy more than anything in the world. I was certain I would face discrimination based on my race, my bi-racial kid and my white husband. Maybe throw in gender and my northern accent for good measure. The Georgia state flag does incorporate the confederate flag...This gave me a general sense of foreboding. Most of all I thought I would be working at the Army base with a 45 minute commute wondering how I ended up working in a stifled office as a mid-level government employee in the deep south.

It is with great joy and exquisite pleasure that I tell you none of those events came to pass. The government job has not materialized. My transfer remains tangled in red tape that I fear will never be sorted. We live in a beautiful, safe and diverse community in one of the fastest growing cities in the country. Convenience and yes southern charm is everywhere. My little family is happier than we have ever been.

At Sam's. Buying in bulk is so American

A job would be nice, but I know the perfect opportunity will come when the time is right. For the time being I am focused on spending these precious days with Hunter and Ryan. He heads back to the middle east in a few months. Let us hope and pray things go smoother than last time he was gone. More on that hopefully tomorrow.

She Wasn't There!

We moved to Pooler in April with very little fanfare. In fact there was not any fanfare. We patiently waited for our new neighbors to come through with cookies and homemade pies, but they never came. Turns out the whole thing is part of suburban mythology, and that's ok because everything else about this neighborhood is the American dream. It was never the version of happiness I had for myself. I planned to live in a sprawling four bedroom apartment with a wraparound balcony in a desirable part of town in walking distance to the supermarket. I never considered a real live stand alone structure with a yard and a driveway. It was not the story I told myself about who I wanted to be when I grew up.

And then it happened, and now we have lovely neighbors who feed our cats when we are away. Who popover unexpectedly in need of medicine or encouragement. My favorites are the playdates. Hunter has bonded especially well with four year old soon-to-be five year old Josiah. There was a fast connection with these two. It warms my heart to see Hunter developing bonds with other children.

Today I had test, a mission if you will. Josiah's mom asked me to pick him up from the bus stop located 50 meters from my front door, and keep him with me until 5:30 when she could pick him up. She has helped me out in a pinch so I enthusiastically said yes. Priscilla told me the bus arrives at approximately 4:15. Hunter and I headed to the bus stop at 4:05. My stomach lurched when I opened my front door. The bus already dropped off the children on my street. I grabbed Hunter's hand and ran but, the bus was pulling off. I hoped it was a different bus, the wrong bus, the big kid bus. I wanted it to be any bus besides Josiah's bus. I waited a few minutes when it began to rain. Hunter had begun to complain when a bus made its way to where I stood.

Josiah ran off of the bus sobbing into my arms. To complicate matters his shirt was on backwards. When I asked what happened he said he wanted his mommy. I explained she was coming to get him later. That only seemed to make matters worse. He cried harder. After a few minutes Josiah calmed down enough to tell me it was dress backwards day at school. He also told me he was on the bus I saw pull away as I approached it. The driver dropped off the other kids then made another pass for his guardian..me. Eventually Josiah told me he forgot to tell his mother the bus comes earlier on Mondays.

Once we arrived at my house he calmed down and he and Hunter got on with playing. Priscilla came to pick him up at 5:30 as discussed. I told her what happened as we both competed to apologize. Me for missing the bus, her for not having the time right.When Josiah came to the door he was  unprepared to leave. He was stalling because he and Hunter were having fun. Priscilla reminded him that they discussed me picking him up today. He screamed but she was not there! He was emotional again. It was a dagger through my heart, but we all laughed knowing it was no one's fault but acknowledged it was scary experience for Josiah and me. Welcome to the 'burbs.

I don't miss Italy..yet

We left Italy! After years of not knowing how long we would be in Italy, Ryan got a transfer to the great state of Georgia. I wish I had the good fortune to tell you it was easy, but even with professional packers and movers it was a stressful and unpredictable process. The movers were trained professionals with strict orders to pack everything not nailed down. At one point they packed Hunter's diaper bag. Obviously we needed that to travel so they had to look through the packed boxes to find it.

After three stressful days of packing and shipping our cars we moved into a hotel before we boarded a plane bound for America. Three hotels and two months later we are looking forward to moving into our place in a few weeks. Neither of us has ever lived in the south before, but the adjustment has been smooth. The weather in Savannah is perfect right now. I have been advised it will change a great deal as we head into the very hot and humid Savannah summer. But unlike northern Italy, there is no shortage of Freon here and there is climate controlled escape when temperature rise.

That last few months in Italy were filled with great joy as well deep sadness. I made many special friendships and the idea of leaving them kept me awake many nights. Luckily wine, especially red wine, is cheap there and helped to assuage my sorrows. Even more luckily I was able to ship some of the stuff here to help me when I get Italy sick. I am sure I will miss the place eventually, but for now I am embracing the change of pace here.

I adore the diversity of food, people and foliage. The sea moss hanging from trees is quite picturesque and southern hospitality is an actual phenomenon. The people here are genuinely kind and gracious. I could go on about the food and many conveniences everyday Americans take for granted, but we would be here all night. I will share that going to the grocery story at 10pm on a Sunday is an exquisite pleasure most Americans take for granted. That is a luxury virtually unheard of in the town where I spent the last seven years. I love late night grocery shopping, stadium seating at the movies and most of all cocktails before dinner.

Italy is a beautiful country, but I am so happy to be home. We are all settling in to include our three cats. The adventure continues friends. See you all soon.

Never Saw that Coming

She called it Jagged Little Pill and it changed the lives of young women who were of dating age in 1995. She sung about our discontent with our friends, lovers past and present, and our parents. Alanis knew our hurts both big and small. She was and remains our hero even as she has transitioned to a new role as earth mother with a podcast focused on self improvement and deepening relationships with our intimate partners.

In 1995 I was a brand new college graduate trying to find my way in the world having no clue where I might end up in twenty years. Well here I am in 2016 married with kid in Italy. Last night I rediscovered Jagged Little Pill. I started singing and dancing while Hunter sung along in his own toddler language. Alanis was describing deep heartache that was all consuming. We hurt with her even when we did not quite understand it all. We were still a little ways off from that kind of love, but we knew those relationships were out there so we listened. She told us stories about her ex-boyfriend's new wife when none of us could even imagine being a wife. The hints at motherhood sailed over our heads as we sympathized with her pain after the breakup. This album doesn't tell us what's next. Does she stay angry? Do we?

She doesn't stay angry. She forgoves the guy and herself for picking the guy in the first place. She gets married and has a kid. And we did too. I never thought there would be such a day that I would sing Alanis lullabies to my two year old son, and he would watch me jump and down singing with his bottle of milk as my microphone. Never saw that coming. Childeren can heal a lot of the stuff that went wrong before they showed up. For proof listen to your breakup songs and feel how far you have come and how much you have grown.

Eventually Hunter got very tired. My dancing has that effect on people. It makes them tired just watch me. He looked at me adoringly and patted the pillow next to his head. His big brown eyes said Mama come lay next to me you are making me tired. Mission accomplished. My little guy was sound asleep within minutes.

The Best Four Days

You know that episode of Xena: Warrior Princess in season 2 when she goes to the Land of Chin and she is dressed for the those below freezing nights? It is one of those high adventure story lines that gave the fans details about Xena's backstory.

Well that episode was running through my head all weekend as I paraded the streets of Eastern Europe, specifically Croatia and Slovenia. It was one of those unplanned adventures that ended up being the best four days I have had in long, long while.

To get the full effect of the trip I need to provide some context. Ryan and his brothers are serious Stars Wars geeks, with my father-in-law serving as the ring leader of the group. When he suggested Ryan come home for Christmas so they could all go see the Stars Wars premier together Ryan became a little teary eyed. It all happened so fast and my work is so crazy at the moment, it was impossible to get away for three weeks with a little over a week's notice.

Friends and family thought I was crazy. Who stays in a foreign country ALONE for Christmas, their birthday and New Years? It probably sounds incredibly lonely, sad and downright depressing. My dad kept asking how long I was planning to wait before I bought my ticket. To be honest I did think about buying a last minute more than once, but I didn't. My aunt asked how I could let Ryan take Hunter away. I reminded her that Ryan is Hunter's father not some random guy from who-knows-where. I stuck with the plan and part of the plan included taking care of our three cats while Ryan took Hunter on his own very big adventure.

It was Hunter's first transatlantic flight and it went very smooth. He watched movies, ate, slept and was in great spirits when they arrived at their final destination.

Introducing my doppelgänger, Ky. What's that you ask? What's a doppelgänger? It is a German word for twin.

Introducing Ky My Doppleganger (I am exhausted in this picture)

For a few months now I have heard that there is a woman in the community that 'some' people think we look alike. (I am not one of those people.) Imagine my surprise when my friend Ky told me she was sick of people calling her Mickie. Incredulous, I inquired about the circumstances. Of the five people that have made the mistake of calling her Mickie two of them I know fairly well. They whole thing is weird but the best part, no the funniest part is her response. It something like this:

Oblivious person: Hey Mickie how are you?
Ky: Excuse me?
Oblivious person: Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were Mickie...
Ky: (All smiles) No, I'm the other black girl.

The oblivious person responds in various ways. It ranges from embarrassment to annoyance. The weird part is the reverse does not happen to me. As in I have yet to have someone think I am her. This  confusion was the spark of our friendship. We were acquaintances before (we were in Tanzania together last year) but, the hilarity of the situation created a simpatico familiarity. It was this new friendship that took us to Eastern Europe for New Years weekend.

We took a shuttle bus of all things to Croatia. The three hour drive went quickly. We had just enough time to drop our bags off at the hotel and make it to one of the outdoor concerts set up around the city. They keyword in the previous sentence is outdoor. I was freezing and no amount of hot wine could change that. We lasted approximately 45 minutes in the below freezing temperatures before heading back to our warm hotel. The next day was filled with sightseeing and preparation for our zero dark thirty train ride to Slovenia in the morning.

Ljublijana, Slovenia has been on my must see list for years, and with good reason. It's beautiful, cosmopolitan and has a dark side. Lots of dragon and witch motifs around the city center. All told it was a great trip. Looking forward to a visit in warmer temperatures.

I am well-rested in this picture

How to Survive Surviving a Fire

Jumping out the window to save my life was just the beginning of the story. In the weeks and months that followed a lot happened. We moved twice, not including the original move from our apartment before settling down in the new place. At one point we were managing three apartments, moving our belongings around as needs arose. All that moving was exhausting and a dear friend asked what I was doing for myself to remain resilient.

Ryan's mother and childhood best friend came to visit, providing much needed support. While we had help with Hunter, I went London to see my cousin. Even in August London is cold! The cooler temperatures were refreshing. I let my cousin dote on me. She cooked all my favorites and we spent most of our time talking. Our conversations went way into evening hours reminding us both of our childhood summers in Guyana.

I returned to Italy renergized and prepared to deal with a steady stream of questions about what happened and where we were living, and keeping Hunter's routine as close to normal as possible. I won't try to pretend it was easy and it was not until my father and stepmother arrived in country that life began to feel normal again.

We had such fun together! They got to know Hunter, we took day trips and spent a lot of time at home eating, our favorite pastime. We were enjoying ourselves so much that my father extended his stay three weeks. We both had the time of our lives. The extra time meant a day trip to Rome, wine tasting at my favorite winery and more after dinner trips to my favorite gelataria for dessert. Saying goodbye is never easy, but these days with Skype and FaceTime it's not so bad. 

Our time in Italy is winding down. We should be back stateside by summer next year. The past five years here have been incredible. Good thing I took the time to make a few notes about it here!

Where There's Smoke...

This photo was taken a week before the fire

Most of you have some idea about the electrical fire that destroyed our apartment in Vicenza last month. The important part is we all survived. All the details are not here, and I some of them are thankfully are already forgotten. I may never know why it happened, but I know this for sure:

Each obstacle we are faced with is another opportunity to use our power to be great

Military life is transient. I make friends here and after a time they move on to their new assignment. Susan is one such friend. Last month she moved to Korea to further her career as an Officer in the United States Army. As is the custom, her colleagues threw her a farewell dinner party. I had never eaten at the the restaurant where the dinner was scheduled so I ate a big meal before heading out. I am loving those Chili's chicken fajita bowls right now. I ate one of those and then several boiled shrimp. Feeling satisfied, I left Hunter with Ryan in the living room and went up stairs to freshen up before dinner. I was powdering my nose when I heard a loud pop and the electricity went out.

I yelled down to Ryan that the electricity went out again. This happened fairly often if there were more than a few appliances on in the apartment. As I approached the stairs leading to the area where Ryan and Hunter were I smelled and saw smoke. I immediately new something big was on fire, but I was not sure where. I screamed for Ryan. I waited a few seconds to hear what was going on before I proceeded down the stairs, but the sound Ryan made let me know something had gone terribly wrong. The staircase quickly filled with smoke. I yelled for Ryan to get Hunter and get out. I could not see my way down and was still unsure of where the fire was. I quickly went over to the window in the upstairs hallway to open it so I could get some light and air to see my way down the stairs, but to my horror thick black smoke rolled me back onto my heels. In shock I gasped taking in a chest full of smoke. I stumbled back to the bathroom with eyes burning and smoke choking my throat. 

I forced open the window and leaned out trying to breath, but there was too much smoke. Without thinking I jumped out of the window onto the adjacent window of a nearby building and waited for the fire department to rescue me. It took the fire department approximately one hour to extinguish the fire and rescue me. They frantically searched the apartment before they found me on a nearby window sill. I was rushed to the hospital, treated for mild scratches and shock, and reunited with Ryan and Hunter there. 

The fire destroyed over 70% of the apartment. The kitchen and parts of the living room are ok, but the rest including the bedrooms and our clothes are mostly gone. The most important items made it out just fine: Hunter, Ryan and me.  

The details of the days and weeks have lost their clarity, but a few things stand out. Our support system rallied around us, providing shelter and emotional support until we could figure out our next steps. We are still figuring out some of those, but we are safe,

together and moving forward!