How to Survive Surviving a Fire

Jumping out the window to save my life was just the beginning of the story. In the weeks and months that followed a lot happened. We moved twice, not including the original move from our apartment before settling down in the new place. At one point we were managing three apartments, moving our belongings around as needs arose. All that moving was exhausting and a dear friend asked what I was doing for myself to remain resilient.

Ryan's mother and childhood best friend came to visit, providing much needed support. While we had help with Hunter, I went London to see my cousin. Even in August London is cold! The cooler temperatures were refreshing. I let my cousin dote on me. She cooked all my favorites and we spent most of our time talking. Our conversations went way into evening hours reminding us both of our childhood summers in Guyana.

I returned to Italy renergized and prepared to deal with a steady stream of questions about what happened and where we were living, and keeping Hunter's routine as close to normal as possible. I won't try to pretend it was easy and it was not until my father and stepmother arrived in country that life began to feel normal again.

We had such fun together! They got to know Hunter, we took day trips and spent a lot of time at home eating, our favorite pastime. We were enjoying ourselves so much that my father extended his stay three weeks. We both had the time of our lives. The extra time meant a day trip to Rome, wine tasting at my favorite winery and more after dinner trips to my favorite gelataria for dessert. Saying goodbye is never easy, but these days with Skype and FaceTime it's not so bad. 

Our time in Italy is winding down. We should be back stateside by summer next year. The past five years here have been incredible. Good thing I took the time to make a few notes about it here!

Where There's Smoke...

This photo was taken a week before the fire

Most of you have some idea about the electrical fire that destroyed our apartment in Vicenza last month. The important part is we all survived. All the details are not here, and I some of them are thankfully are already forgotten. I may never know why it happened, but I know this for sure:

Each obstacle we are faced with is another opportunity to use our power to be great

Military life is transient. I make friends here and after a time they move on to their new assignment. Susan is one such friend. Last month she moved to Korea to further her career as an Officer in the United States Army. As is the custom, her colleagues threw her a farewell dinner party. I had never eaten at the the restaurant where the dinner was scheduled so I ate a big meal before heading out. I am loving those Chili's chicken fajita bowls right now. I ate one of those and then several boiled shrimp. Feeling satisfied, I left Hunter with Ryan in the living room and went up stairs to freshen up before dinner. I was powdering my nose when I heard a loud pop and the electricity went out.

I yelled down to Ryan that the electricity went out again. This happened fairly often if there were more than a few appliances on in the apartment. As I approached the stairs leading to the area where Ryan and Hunter were I smelled and saw smoke. I immediately new something big was on fire, but I was not sure where. I screamed for Ryan. I waited a few seconds to hear what was going on before I proceeded down the stairs, but the sound Ryan made let me know something had gone terribly wrong. The staircase quickly filled with smoke. I yelled for Ryan to get Hunter and get out. I could not see my way down and was still unsure of where the fire was. I quickly went over to the window in the upstairs hallway to open it so I could get some light and air to see my way down the stairs, but to my horror thick black smoke rolled me back onto my heels. In shock I gasped taking in a chest full of smoke. I stumbled back to the bathroom with eyes burning and smoke choking my throat. 

I forced open the window and leaned out trying to breath, but there was too much smoke. Without thinking I jumped out of the window onto the adjacent window of a nearby building and waited for the fire department to rescue me. It took the fire department approximately one hour to extinguish the fire and rescue me. They frantically searched the apartment before they found me on a nearby window sill. I was rushed to the hospital, treated for mild scratches and shock, and reunited with Ryan and Hunter there. 

The fire destroyed over 70% of the apartment. The kitchen and parts of the living room are ok, but the rest including the bedrooms and our clothes are mostly gone. The most important items made it out just fine: Hunter, Ryan and me.  

The details of the days and weeks have lost their clarity, but a few things stand out. Our support system rallied around us, providing shelter and emotional support until we could figure out our next steps. We are still figuring out some of those, but we are safe,

together and moving forward!

Michelle was here. Yes that Michelle

First Lady of the United States (FLOTUS) was here in Vicenza a few weeks ago. It took me a couple of weeks to process my feelings about our time together. And by time together I mean the time in which I stared at her slack-jawed basking in her presence. I knew she was coming to Vicenza, but I did not expect to be within earshot of her voice. As the picture can attest, I was standing very close. I chose to stand off to the side as she shared inspirational messages with the young girls around me. She encouraged them to study, set goals and dream big. It was such a special moment for them, and it didn't feel right to interrupt.

After snapping a few pix I began the long walk back to my car with my colleague repeatedly asking if I was ok. I was ok, I was more than ok. I had just spent time with Michelle Obama. I was floating on air. Seeing her in person made me feel like I could do anything and everything I ever wanted to do in my life. The swell of emotions was intense. I never considered myself a FLOTUS 'fan', but seeing her in person, listening to her thoughts about the tragedy in Charleston, her concern for the Soldiers in harms way and their families who pray for they safe return was moving. Yes she is the First Lady, but she is many other things. She is a mother, a Princeton graduate, a lawyer, a wife, a multi-generational American and so much more. Michelle is proof of what is possible in America. Michelle Obama has overcome many challenges and obstacles, but she does not carry  the weight of that with her. She is filled with lightness, love and hope.

It was such a special day for our little American community to have her with us for a few hours. Talk about starting the summer off with bang! Looking forward to what else the Summer of 2016 has in store.

Where Did the Time Go?

As it turns out Hunter is not a baby anymore. He is a pre-toddler. In just under two months he will move to the the next phase of his education: the toddler class. In preparation for this new phase he needs to give up his pacifier and eat more solid foods. Where did the time go? It seems like it was just  yesterday when all he did was drink milk, poop and sleep.

These days he is doing much more than that. This weekend was Ryan's birthday and Hunter spontaneously said happy. All we want for our children is for them to be happy. That his first word was happy was one of Ryan best birthday gifts ever. He said it a few more times throughout the day and each time Ryan and I beamed at each other with joy

I have tried to interest Hunter in solid foods over the past few month without much success. All the food ends up in his lap. His recent check-up revealed that he needs to consume more calories like it or not. You know where this is going. He did not like most of what I tried to feed him, but moms have to be creative and persistent. I sat him down in front of one of his favorite shows and spoon fed him chicken, rice and vegetables. He protested at first, but every time he opened his mouth to cry I put a spoonful in and he ate it. He went back to crying as soon as he was done chewing and swallowing. We went on this way until all of the chicken, rice and vegetables were gone. The next day I tried homemade mashed potatoes. Things went the same as the day before. He cried, I put food in his open mouth, he swallowed and cried some more. On the third day I tried elbow pasta with tiny meatballs. I turned my attention away for a few seconds and Hunter had discarded the spoon and was feeding himself with his hands! In shock I just stared, and struggled not to make a big deal of it. I stared at him for minutes as he enjoyed his movie and his meatballs.

Preparing food for Hunter satisfies a deep maternal need to nourish him. Breastfeeding did not go so well for us, and cooking for him feels sort of like a do over. I am excited to cook my favorites for him because so far my instincts have been spot on about what he likes. I cannot wait for him to try my macaroni and cheese!

Nine Days Without Him

I spent nine whole days working in Arusha, Tanzania away from Hunter. Although I was very busy with work pulling 10+ hour days, I missed my little guy immensely. He missed me too. According to Ryan the first few days were OK, but by day three HP wanted to know where I was. He does not talk very much yet, but he expressed his displeasure in a myriad of ways. As Ryan described it, he was generally upset and inconsolable. I have never been gone for more than a few days,  and I worried about the effects my absence would have. I frequently reminded myself that at 16 months he would not remember any of this.  I also found solace in knowing Ryan and Hunter were spending quality time together. father-son time together.

Now what the heck was I doing in Africa? My office held a conference in Tanzania focused on better integrating women into militaries in African armies. A thrilling topic with my utmost interest. The first event was held last year, but I was still a new breastfeeding mom, and not thrilled with idea of leaving my infant son just yet. This time around I jumped at the opportunity. Tanzania is one of several stable countries in Africa. That did not mean there were no risks to traveling there. I had to get a series of immunizations and blood work done before my departure, take anti-malarial medication before, during and after my trip and never, never drink the tap water while in country. My first night in Tanzania I made a typical rookie mistake and brushed my teeth with tap water at the hotel. Luckily I did not experience any consequences as a result.

Still trying to reconcile my subtle expectations with the reality of my experience. Yes,  I did expect some version of a "welcome home sister"celebration. No such luck! No one cared. My skin color was irrelevant. In fact I was mistaken for a local at the airport upon my arrival. I halfway expected  a version of an African awakening; some sort of motherland recognition, but Tanzania was familiar yet distant. I did not experience the mythical bond with mother Africa. Brooklyn will always be home.

The first female Commander of the Ghana Navy

I met a number of extraordinary women serving their countries in leadership roles, and experienced the juxtaposition of a rural way of life transitioning to an urban landscape known as the developing world.  

I had a few projects printed at a local Tanzanian printer. My visit there illustrates what a developing economy looks like. After several minutes on one of the city's many asphalt roads, the car made a left on to a dirt road; an absolutely unpaved, rocky road. A road so difficult to maneuver, that pedestrians walked faster than the car. Many of them women with large, heavy looking packages on their heads. Some of the passerbys were local Masai warriors in their traditional plaid finery and tire-soled shoes.

After a few yards/meters on that road the vehicle made another left and stopped in front a building surround by a sif-foot high zinc fence. The driver helped me out of the van as I navigated the rocky path to the front door in my six inch heels. Inside was a throughly modern facility replete with A/C,  whirring machines and office workers going about their business. As I waited for my materials my colleague asked for the wifi password to check in while we waited. Within minutes we were communicating with our colleagues at the hotel as well as back at our home office.

Fashion: A Form of Self Expression

I take fashion seriously because it is my favorite way to express myself. For the last few years my look has been comprised of bright colors in unexpected pairings. The infamous Aquaman outfit comes to mind easily.

Old me in inadvertent AquaMan outfit

Whimsy played a large role in my aesthetic. Then I had a baby and nothing fit for awhile. Add to that the uncertainty of will my favorite dress EVER fitting again and I was adrift in the warm waters of Italian fashion.

Something about having Hunter in my life makes me want to have less whimsy in my wardrobe. It was just a feeling at first and then my recent exposure to the fashion icon known as the "Parisian Woman" cemented it. The women were all so elegantly styled: statement sunglasses, a flourish of a scarf, and the perfect red lip. This simple uniform interpreted in various ways throughout Paris woke me up a bit.

I came back thinking more carefully about my silhouette and color palette. Taking second looks at basics such black and white. Rejecting A-line skirts and dresses for sophisticated Body Cons. The change has been subtle..sort of. I work in an office with mostly males. They notice when a woman wears a curve hugging dress. Not the kind of attention I covet. All the same I want to look less like the quirky girl at the office and more like the sophisticate who gets things done. I thought I found just the thing to spark the change. I love these shoes! They are comfortable and stylish, but my boss refers to them as granny shoes and others often ask if I couldn't afford the laces...

x

I added cropped pants to my office rotation, and several folks asked if I have trouble finding pants in my size. I came home with a dress that was clearly out of my comfort zone.

Me: What do you think?
Ryan: It looks like you are wearing your underwear outside of your clothes...
Me: Are you kidding?
Ryan: Sort of but, not really..I hope you don't wear that to work.

He is not the jealous type, but I noticed he furrowed his brow with consternation when said it might work if I wore a blazer over it. The thing is this is not about Ryan or the guys at the office or my boss. It is about self expression and projecting the confidence I feel inside. The journey continues.

Getting there

The Moment I Feared

I have probably mentioned Ryan's busy travel schedule recently but, it begs to be mentioned again. This guy (Ryan) has done an extraordinary amount of traveling this year in past twelve months. We have managed to always have childcare help when he is away. My aunt was here for three months, then his mom was here. When she left we had a nanny come to help us until we found a spot at daycare. While daycare helps, it typically takes two of us to handle Hunter,  food shopping, cooking and the bedtime routine. When he is gone, which is often, we have Marina help out when she can. 

Truth be told it can get lonely here, and the pressure of temporary single parenthood in a foreign country can be intense. Marina helps out in a myriad of ways. I always give her plenty of advanced notice regarding Ryan's travel so she can prioritize being here. There have been more that a few nights that I have wondered what I would do if for some reason she could not be here to help me. The mere thought made my blood run cold. When Ryan is away the three of us have a manageable routine.

Things work until they don't. While Ryan was away, I was tasked with attending a conference in the DC area. Marina could not watch Hunter overnight, but a dear friend could. I went to the conference held at the Women's War Memorial in Arlington, and Face-timed with Hunter when I could. I was thrilled to be engaged with him, but he was quickly frustrated when he could not touch and smell me through the phone. He kept turning the phone over to find me. I missed my boy terribly those three days. 

Just to keep things interesting, Hunter got a stomach bug while I was gone, and Marina came down with the flu when I got back. It was the moment I feared. No Ryan, no Marina, a sick baby and playing catch up at the office. The only way to handle a situation with so many variables coming at me was to address them one at a time. The very best part of this was that I managed it all. I made lists, I did not rush and stayed focused. Hunter obviously missed his Dad. Ryan was gone longer than usual and his location had a poor internet connection. We had very little contact. Hunter grew tired of looking at stale Ryan pictures at the end of the first week. Hunter and I did the best we could and my best was good enough. 

To celebrate Ryan's return we headed to Paris to meet up with my former boss, Dan, his wife Alison and their son Thomas. It was Hunter's first time out of the country. Although it was freezing in Paris we had a delightful few days sightseeing and spending time with old friends. Definitely Hunter's first trip, but certainly not his last.

There Was and Always Is Light at the End of the Tunnel

Delicious

Hunter celebrated his first birthday last month. I had big plans for his special day, but when I showed up at daycare with cupcakes for him and his friends I was met less with enthusiasm and more annoyance.

I have learned since that Hunter has a routine in place at school and me showing up with cupcakes in the middle of his lunch (that day they were having quinoa, chicken and broccoli) is confusing. It made him downright mad. He refused to eat, demanded a bottle and eventually went to sleep. I think he thought I came to pick him up to go home, and when that did not happen he demonstrated his disappointment. I ended up leaving the cupcakes for his teachers. I went back to work downtrodden. Where had I gone wrong?

But there was and always is light at the end of the tunnel. When I showed up at my regular time to pick him up he was in fantastic sprits. He was was happy to see me and his teachers said they served the cupcakes later that afternoon. One of them made him a paper hat with the number one on it. He and his friends smashed and ate cupcakes together. From the looks of it, he had a wonderful time.

For Valentine's Day his teachers asked me to come in early to help him decorate cookies. I was excited about the opportunity to share a new experience with Hunter at daycare. Below is what I found when I got there. He was covered in frosting. He did not decorate cookies. He decorated his face! As soon as he saw me he was ready to go. We cleaned up and left.

As a new mom I want everything to be perfect, but perfect for me will not always be perfect for Hunter. I am the mom, but clearly this kid is running the show. I have always had a hard time letting go. Hunter is already showing me that he is in the driver's seat. I am just here for the ride. The sooner I get used to that idea the better for me.

Hang on mommy!

Life with Hunter a Year Later

I had a baby last year! Now I have a one year old son. Still have trouble wrapping my head around that fact even when Hunter wakes me up at 0500hrs. I love being a mom and having a career. There are times when it's a struggle to find time in my life for all things I want and need. I have always expected a big life for myself, and the bigger this life gets the harder it is to manage. As always I made a number of resolutions at the beginning of the year. As always I want to read more books and travel to new and favorite places. New to the list was to be more physically active. Hunter gets the blame for me being lazy. It is so nice to say I can't work out because I have to be with him. After a few visits to his day care center and him ignoring me, I realized it is time for me to get back to doing fun things for myself.

Deciding to start cross-country skiing can be intimidating, but calling my friend who is always up to something is super easy. I called Susan and said count me in for whatever you are doing in the next few weeks. Before I could think more about it we were speed walking for 90 minutes twice a week in preparation for our cross-country ski trip on the Austro-Italian border. It has been the longest time since I went on a road trip with the girls. I warned them about my car narcolepsy (I fall asleep quickly in a moving car), and woke up when we got there.

What's that? What about Hunter you say? I left Hunter with his father who has been globetrotting for work most of 2014. I love both of those guys but, I needed a few days of rest and recuperation without either of them. I called a few times to check on them, but the truth is there is not a whole lot of time to talk when you are on solo duty with an infant. Ryan gave me a few updates, but we were both focused on what was in front of us.

I came back from my trip reenergized and ready for Hunter's one year birthday party at school. I ordered cupcakes for him and his friends to celebrate after lunch, but you know that saying about the best laid plans? Well that happened. Hunter was not interested in me or the cupcakes. Perhaps it was the quinoa at lunch that upset him. Whatever it was,he was feeling much better today when we took him over to spend the day with his godmother. Happy one year birthday Hunter!