Some Words Are Best Said in My Voice

On Friday, June 24, 2022, the long delayed TEDx Savannah live event was held at the Yamacraw Center for Performing Arts. I love all things TED. It was one of my tethers to the cultural movements at home during the Italian years. There certainly were times I thought I could do a TED talk. Or wouldn't it be fun to do a TED talk, but I never imagined that it would arrive in my grasp, but it did.

The road to TEDx was a winding path of self-discovery, courage and mental toughness. I was a TEDx Savannah volunteer in 2018. It was one the most thrilling experiences of my life. I didn't understand then what moved people to take on such an opportunity for growth. All the work for applause didn't make sense. Things began to shift for me in 2019. I reframed the idea into what my message could mean for others. That my journey and experiences could add value to the lives of others began to take shape. 

That's the boldness of giving a talk such as TED or TEDx. I imagine super famous people are invited to give TED talks, but TEDx is different. As speakers, we decide that our message has value and pursue our chance to get on stage.  

I had a few hurdles to cross to get to that stage. Including a massive panic attack on my way to the most incredible mall in the world, which happens to be located across a massive bridge in Jacksonville, FL. There was also the emcee's email stating I had PTSD, which sent me into a spiral so intense that it altered my speech and my perception to accept that I do in fact have PTSD. Everyone around me knew it accept me. I was repeatedly reminded of that fact as I tried to distance myself from that reality, even in my talk. What a gift to receive. All of those experiences afforded me the opportunity to see myself as deserving of grace, tenderness and love.

The link doesn't go live for another few days. Big TED has to review and approve. Next steps are to allow the rest of this journey to unfold as the universe intends. I allow for things to stay as they are (unlikely) or something fascinatingly better to come into being a new reality.

I am a Tedx Savannah 2020 Speaker

Me volunteering at TEDx 2 years ago

Seven years in Italy is a long time. It was a wonderful, most of the time. I am even grateful for the times when I wasn't living the dream. Now that I am back and just celebrated my third anniversary in Savannah I happy to report I am getting the hang of living in America again. I have fully reintegrated into American society. What does that mean? How is that different from say last year or the year before?
so glad that you asked. Last year and certainly the year before I felt very much the outsider with my nose pressed again the window looking in fogging it with my mouth breathing. I felt keenly out of touch with nature of how things move and work here. The rhythm of the language, the decrease in the number of seasons and the skittish, but sometimes rogue wildlife all took some getting used to.

Let's begin with the seasons. In NYC and Vicenza there are four seasons. Yes, yes, climate change has made them shorter and more extreme but there are four of them. Here in Savannah not so much. There are two seasons not so hot and too hot. Next is the accent. Once so strange to my to my ear. Who am I kidding? The southern accent is still unfamiliar to my ear, but there are some idiomatic expressions that are unique and helpful. More than once I have had the urge to us "y'all" instead of the plural you. It just fit the situation. I always forgo the urge and use something more natural to my natural way of speaking and say "you guys" or "hey". But my all time fave is: "It bees like that sometimes". Oh it is such a wonderful expression, and I get tremendous use out of it. Here it is in action: I went to that new comfort food restaurant. The food was delicious, but they got my order wrong and the service made me fee like I interrupted the server's lunch break. "It bees like that sometimes" is the perfect response.

I saved the best for last. The skittish yet oftentimes bold wildlife around here is a mystery and a delight. There is a gaggle of geese that commandeer the streets whenever they damn well please. There are easily 50 or more gees that will parade down the street here and we all know to get out their way when we see them coming. We had to rescue a turtle once, build a barrier to keep an armadillo out of the yard and finally deer can be seen grazing in the grassy areas of the sidewalks in front of the houses in my neighborhood.

In spite of the unusual challenges I have made incredible headway. Two years a go I volunteered at TEDx Savannah. First I created a role for myself that didn't exist, which allowed me to interact with all the speakers and organizers. Then I was invited to come back the second year to assist one of the organizers and this year I will be a speaker. Terry, my Toastmaster mentor has been gung ho about being a TEDx presenter for as long as I have known her. She believed the round of applause at the end of her talk would enrich her life and take her to heights yet unknown. I don't crave the approval of people I don't know. Instead I long for the approval of the people I do know.

However, I am learning that the only approval I truly need is my own. It is taking some time to get used to that idea but, I am on my way.

It Was Never about the Mouse

Division H 2019 Humorous Speech Trophy

Toastmasters is changing my life in ways I could never had expected. What started as a networking opportunity when I arrived in Savannah two years ago has become a propulsive and joyful part of my life. I have been basking in the joy of bonding with a supportive community of friends and friends I haven't yet. On a whim I entered my local Toastmasters' Humorous Contest. I was talking to a close friend about my September 11 experience and remembered how I stayed up all night September 10, 2001 worried that I had accidentally insulted a colleague. I was able to find a nugget of humor in that interaction and spin it into seven minutes of hysterical laughter. I knew it was a funny story and an even better speech. I had the audience on the edge of their seats the whole time and my finish had everyone asking if the performance (yes, I am calling my speech a performance) was fact or fiction.

I was empowered to talk about 9/11in that safe space, but I also felt quite vulnerable. I have given my 9/11 speech before and this time my body still shook and my voice still quivered. I was keenly aware that opening up in this way invited questions that might be difficult to answer. Top of mind for me is to honor my boundaries and respect those souls who perished that day. Sometimes I experience questions that don't respect those goals, and that is the opposite of fun. Morbid curiosity just is not my thing. I won without thinking too much about what was next. 

It meant travelling two hours outside of Savannah to Waycross, GA for the Toastmasters' Area competition was next. This was my first time competing with members from other clubs. It is hard to describe the competing emotions I felt. Lots of new faces, my competitors had props, costumes and varying levels of experience. There was lots of laughter throughout my speech and a collective gasp when I revealed the context of the story as literally Ground Zero. I won second place, which was an accomplishment for my first time, but I went home thinking about how heavy the experience was for me. Actually is was grueling. It was clear to me that the other competitors had much more fun. They were not up there on an esoteric quest.

The second place win meant I advanced to the semi-finals. I went home wondering what it would take to compete and win at a higher level. I started thinking about costumes, music and props. Yes, that is what it would take, but it would also take something less tangible than all that. It meant I would have to take the competition less seriously and have a great deal more fun.

I thought about how different of an experience I could have had if I told a funny story instead of one that I "found" humor in. I decided to give a speech about a little girl with the same name as a famous mouse. How she was relentlessly teased until she was ten years old when Toni Basil became a pop sensation with her song "Oh Mickie You So Fine". With the goal to have fun in mind I found childhood pictures of me embracing the whole Mickey Mouse thing. I even played the Toni Basil video and did a few of the dance moves. I did my best. I had props and a whole lot of fun. In the end I claimed the second place trophy. Dear reader this was the best outcome I could have hoped for because the finals are at the end of April in Atlanta, GA. I cannot compete in a speech contest in April because I will be in California steeped in my ten-year obsession with the greatest warrior the world has ever known.

 Until next time on the Cat Who Swallowed the Canary.