Last year, a dear friend gave me a physical book. I was alarmed in a fashion reminiscent of the idea of tap water being compared to toilet water in the hilarious film Idiocracy. (In the movie drinking anything but flavored drinks replete with electrolytes was unheard of.) At that point I had not read a physical book in years. In Italy, especially after Hunter was born I enjoyed the hands free option to consume content. Back then I believed one had not lived a full life without the joy of having Junot Diaz narrate his marvelous book This Is How You Lose Her. When I found audio version of The Color Purple read by Alice Walker I became ritualistic about listening to my favorite parts over and over again. I set lofty goals every year to listen to 10, then 15 and finally 25 books a year. I love to set and reach my goals; and this was especially rewarding.
Suddenly last year as the Savannah mornings grew crisp, and the nights became longer I found the time to peel open the pages of the physical book my friend gave to me. Dear reader the book's title The Summer We Got Free and author were not on my radar. The book itself although interesting, paled in comparison to the experience of setting time aside to read a book with my own eyes. It meant doing something for just me. This little book and the modest gesture marked the beginning of my transition from a human doing to a human being.
I have said it before and it bears repeating: motherhood is hard! Reading physical books while raising a child under the age of 10 is a luxury I did not make time for in my days or nights. I stuck to audio. And let's be honest I listened while scrolling through Instagram before bed or first thing in the morning when I had a few moments to myself. Then this book came into my life and I wondered where..how I would ever fit it into my routine. There wasn't time, or was there?
In a surprise to myself I made the time, and welcomed physical books back into my life. The best part of my new existence as a human being vs. a human doing is the acceptance of doing what I actually want instead of what I think is expected. I began to mix things up this year expanding the genre of podcasts I listen to when I am not reading in the free time I intentionally create for myself. While scrolling through my Instagram I saw a video clip of Jay Shetty on "Ellen". I hit the subscribe button for the Jay Shetty podcast and had episodes quickly added to my feed. He had a variety of guests Lala Anthony, Gisele Bundchen and Brian Grazer to name a few. I noticed Kobe Bryant was on the list of guests.
Once upon a time in the mid-90s I was a Kobe fan. He skipped college and went directly to the NBA after graduating from high school. I had recently graduated from college and was in the throes of finding my way back to Rome, Italy after spending a semester there in my junior year. Kobe's father moved the family to a town outside of Rome while he played for an Italian league when Kobe was six years old. He learned to speak Italian, thrived in Italy and earned a place in my heart.
Then in 2003 he was accused of sexual assault. The 19 year-old survivor refused to testify in the trial and the case was dropped. Kobe had this to say about the incident: "Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. After months of reviewing discovery, listening to her attorney, and even her testimony in person, I now understand how she feels that she did not consent to this encounter." The accuser filed a separate civil lawsuit against Bryant, which the two sides settled privately.
Unfortunately his apology didn't cut it for me, and I exited stage left from the Kobe fan club. I avoided his Jay Shetty episode for the first few weeks. Then one day I determined I was missing out on hearing about his content creation company. It occurred to me that it took more energy to avoid him than to forgive him for something he apologized and paid for 16 years ago. Perhaps it was time to forgive him and myself to experience the message that was coming through him.
I knew his short film Dear Basketball won an Oscar last year, but the title eluded my interest. Then trusting Jay Shetty, I hit play. That was my big lesson in forgiveness this year. Holding on to his mistake kept me from the joy of his success all these years.
He is the father of four girls who are all athletes. Kobe believes sports are the ultimate metaphor for life, and he is highly articulate in spreading the message of sports, confidence and parenting. He is a strategic thinker who emphasizes process over results and the journey over the destination. Kobe breaks down the creative process, how to develop compelling characters and how he came to develop his production company.
None of us are perfect, but all of us have something to say. We will never agree with what everyone has to say or how they chose to live. I used to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Now I take what serves me and leave the rest.
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