The Silvery Fox Rises

As a teenager family members warned advised that I could expect gray hairs early because my parents and grandparents began to grey in their twenties and earlier. I shrugged it off. I was 15. What did I care about turning gray in my twenties?  Besides I couldn't do anything to stop it.

As this genetic trait began to rear its silvery head in my late twenties as scheduled, I did not think much of it. It did not bother me until they started to pop up around the edges of my hairline. I plucked those in my thirties until my hair stylist noticed the thinning. She put a rinse on them and told me to stop plucking my hair out. She began to put a dark rinse on my hair every time I went, which at that point was a few times a year. I didn't notice how gray I was becoming until I moved to Italy and was left to my own haircare.

Overnight I was in charge of doing my hair myself and immediately noticed many, many gray roots sprouting. I tried a series of temporary and permanent hair color treatments. The henna experiment was an unkind period as it turned my grey hairs an evil shade of orange that was difficult to explain. When I became pregnant I found an all natural Italian alternative that worked very well. Overtime once every few months became a monthly "touch up". Soon I moved to twice monthly. You see where this is going.

My black but, receding hairline

I began to notice some thinning around the edges of my hairline. This is the area the greys are concentrated or perhaps they are the ones I see the most. They were taking the brunt of the constant coloring. Earlier this year I had a serious decision to make: My hairline or grey hair. In the weeks that I tried to stretch the coloring process someone would inevitably notice grey hairs coming in with a snide remark. Of course I know I should not care what people think, but it bugged me.

People mentioned it as if it was a unique discovery. One that required an immediate remedy. This applied to strangers and friends. Sometimes I would get a quiet nudge and a whisper: Hey you have some grey hairs coming in, they'd say. A relative suggested I keep hair mascara in my car to help with quick NECESSARY touchups. I spent sometime looking inward on this. Eventually I saw the truth. My grey hairs triggered people's insecurity. Not the other way around. Armed with that knowledge, I gained momentum.

The initial transition was gradual. I bought several headbands to assist. Within a few weeks it became obvious I was aware of my grays. That I was leaving them there on PURPOSE. Dear reader I wish I could tell you no one noticed and I lived happily, greyly ever after. The truth is everyone noticed, but they were kind and all those headbands I bought helped me ease into the new look. It was an adjustment for sure, but I slowly gained confidence in the look.

Mara Brock Akil

Most people think I am in my late twenties or early thirties which is a such a phenomenal blessing. There are sometimes, lots of times it gets weird though. People react in often bizarre ways. Either they don't believe me, not sure why I would lie about being 46, or they get mad. The grey hairs eliminated that awkward conversation. Now it is obvious that I am a woman with some life experience under her belt. No more age questions. No more surprises. Amen. 

I was still wearing headbands when I saw this picture of Mara Brock Akil. She recently stopped coloring her grays and was embracing "the power" she felt. This photo gave me inspiration and courage. She looked glamourous and beautiful in her greys. I knew then I was ready. I saw a way forward. I could be grey and stylish, which is something I have a deep desire to be.

I do very little halfway. Once I have an idea in my head I take it as far as I possibly can. When I found myself struggling with art I found a way to study art in Italy. Once I discovered Maya Angelou I devoured everything she wrote. Saw her speak twice and met her once, but I digress. We are talking hair today.  It took some research to find grey hair extensions. It is not something in high demand, but I found them. Varying shades of them. Everything from 20% to 80% grey. I went with 80% #becausemickie. After a few weeks I was ready for more. Let's kick this grey up a notch.

#becausemickie

My next look was 'both/and', a new concept the author Glennon Melton advocates. Sometimes things are both/and. She also says sometimes things are hard and we can do hard things. Self acceptance can be hard, but we can do hard things.

This time I went 80% grey and upped the ante with the addition of silvery/white highlights. It was a gorgeous look that was both glamorous and edgy. Braided hairstyles are temporary. After a few weeks I took the braids out. By then I grew a few more inches of (gulp) salt and pepper hair. I leaned further. I bought special shampoo to "whiten" my natural greys. Now they have a shimmery quality that I absolutely love.

It feels as though I am in my own skin for the first time in a long time. I feel attractive in a deeper way. It feels like the beauty on the inside is showing up on my head. This kind of evolution would not be complete without something to commemorate the change. And just like that I added Silvery Fox as a new pronoun. Yes pronoun because I am so over the alter ego phase of the aughts.

The Silvery Fox Rises

It Was Never about the Mouse

Division H 2019 Humorous Speech Trophy

Toastmasters is changing my life in ways I could never had expected. What started as a networking opportunity when I arrived in Savannah two years ago has become a propulsive and joyful part of my life. I have been basking in the joy of bonding with a supportive community of friends and friends I haven't yet. On a whim I entered my local Toastmasters' Humorous Contest. I was talking to a close friend about my September 11 experience and remembered how I stayed up all night September 10, 2001 worried that I had accidentally insulted a colleague. I was able to find a nugget of humor in that interaction and spin it into seven minutes of hysterical laughter. I knew it was a funny story and an even better speech. I had the audience on the edge of their seats the whole time and my finish had everyone asking if the performance (yes, I am calling my speech a performance) was fact or fiction.

I was empowered to talk about 9/11in that safe space, but I also felt quite vulnerable. I have given my 9/11 speech before and this time my body still shook and my voice still quivered. I was keenly aware that opening up in this way invited questions that might be difficult to answer. Top of mind for me is to honor my boundaries and respect those souls who perished that day. Sometimes I experience questions that don't respect those goals, and that is the opposite of fun. Morbid curiosity just is not my thing. I won without thinking too much about what was next. 

It meant travelling two hours outside of Savannah to Waycross, GA for the Toastmasters' Area competition was next. This was my first time competing with members from other clubs. It is hard to describe the competing emotions I felt. Lots of new faces, my competitors had props, costumes and varying levels of experience. There was lots of laughter throughout my speech and a collective gasp when I revealed the context of the story as literally Ground Zero. I won second place, which was an accomplishment for my first time, but I went home thinking about how heavy the experience was for me. Actually is was grueling. It was clear to me that the other competitors had much more fun. They were not up there on an esoteric quest.

The second place win meant I advanced to the semi-finals. I went home wondering what it would take to compete and win at a higher level. I started thinking about costumes, music and props. Yes, that is what it would take, but it would also take something less tangible than all that. It meant I would have to take the competition less seriously and have a great deal more fun.

I thought about how different of an experience I could have had if I told a funny story instead of one that I "found" humor in. I decided to give a speech about a little girl with the same name as a famous mouse. How she was relentlessly teased until she was ten years old when Toni Basil became a pop sensation with her song "Oh Mickie You So Fine". With the goal to have fun in mind I found childhood pictures of me embracing the whole Mickey Mouse thing. I even played the Toni Basil video and did a few of the dance moves. I did my best. I had props and a whole lot of fun. In the end I claimed the second place trophy. Dear reader this was the best outcome I could have hoped for because the finals are at the end of April in Atlanta, GA. I cannot compete in a speech contest in April because I will be in California steeped in my ten-year obsession with the greatest warrior the world has ever known.

 Until next time on the Cat Who Swallowed the Canary.