Yep, I kept the ring

Last time on the Cat Who Swallowed the Canary I was having a moment at TEDx Savannah. I was on the precipice of discussing a little known fact about myself. When I ended my engagement with my first fiancé (yep, I kept the ring) I moved back to Brooklyn, New York from Rome, Italy. I worked hard to build a new life in my hometown mostly confident I had made the right decision. I landed my first job in finance. The job was stressful. There was a steep learning curve and the first tech bubble had just popped. I made time to date and create a robust social life. My cousin and shared a smashing apartment in a trendy neighborhood in Brooklyn with a sweet commute.

My boss at the time, let's call her Roxanne, was a stickler about time. It did not matter how late we stayed to get work done; at a few minutes before 9:00 am Roxanne made the rounds through our maze of cubicles to make sure we were in our seats. Late arrivals were not tolerated. My last Tuesday in the office began with a start. I slept through my alarm, and was running ten minutes behind. I pulled myself together quickly and bolted for the train. I was close to making up the time, when the train stopped just before it entered my station. Unbelievable! When the doors opened I slipped out with my eyes focused on getting through the turnstile. That is when I noticed a colleague from another department. He was rushing into the train. The expression on his face gave me slight pause, but then I thought about Roxanne staring at my empty chair in the meeting and regained my momentum.

I climbed the stairs out of the subway two at a time. At the surface I checked my watch. It was 8:55. It would take me another three minutes to get to the 33rd floor of WTC 2, but there was smoke and what I thought was debris coming out of WTC 1. I called Roxanne to tell her there was an incident and I would be late, but I could not get through. I know now from trauma therapy that I went into shock as my brain tried to protect me from the horror that was people making the awful choice to jump out of the windows of the highest floors of WTC 1. I continued to make my way to the building when the second plane hit. I was less than a block away. The ball of fire the explosion created was so big and so hot that I could feel the heat on my on the side of my face. There was a collective scream from the hundreds of us on the ground, and then a stampede of people running at me. I hid in a small space between buildings until there was a clearing. Then I ran.

I made it home to Brooklyn just before the Towers collapsed. I saw the ball of fire for weeks after in my nightmares. I worked for a large firm with an even larger parent company in Hartford, CT. With our headquarters destroyed, our fearless leaders decided to relocate us to CT.

When the dust settled we were asked to document the belongings we had in the building at the time of the attack. We were reimbursed with very few questions. With everything that had happened it was difficult to remember everything in my desk. In the end it did not matter much. Creating the list more than anything triggered survivor's guilt. I was wracking my brain trying to remember if I left my sweater on the back of my chair or not while others had lost their lives. It was a difficult process to work through, but being in Hartford helped. The distance created a much needed buffer.

Having survived together, my colleagues and I were tightly bonded. We recovered together in a sort of cocoon. We had shared this singular experience. One which very few people could understand. When I left the company five years later my anonymity and individuality returned. It was a relief to forget. September 11 anniversaries came and went. Fewer people knew I was there that day. It receded into the background of my life.

I was the guest speaker on base in Italy one year during the memorial, but was so triggered that I stopped talking about it for another few years. Then TEDx Savannah came up on my radar. This year the event is being held at the Savannah International Trade Center. I tried my best not to say the name of the location because every time I said it, I said world trade center. In this year of living authentically I recognized the Freudian slip. Instead of ignoring it I embraced it. In my correspondence with the Nick, the volunteer organizer, I told him I was there that day. He mentioned it at the first volunteer session. I knew there was a chance he might, but I was unprepared to speak about it with strangers. I faltered a bit. My apprehension is rooted in my desire not to profit in anyway from the lives that were lost that day. I honor them when I live. When I pursue my dreams. When I am fiercely authentic in my life that was spared on that tragic day. I survived that day, but I thrive everyday after.

A Confluence of Events

Who does not love a good Ted talk? Come on, there is something for everyone on that site. I love them. Of course some are better than others. Just depends on what you are into. When I arrived in Savannah after seven years in Europe, I realized a few things were different in America or had completely changed. Online banking was still in its infancy when I left. Now I can deposit checks with my phone! Urgent Care medical facilities are everywhere. These did not exist when I left. I either begged for an appointment with my primary care physician or panicked as I read through possible lethal conditions on WebMD. My mom is visiting and her shoulder pain flared up. No. Big. Deal. Took her to urgent care. She got a cortisone shot and was back to normal within an hour.

One of the biggest surprises is TEDx events. I kind of sort of heard about them, but did not know the details. TEDx are independent TED-like events. That was all I thought I needed to know. Then I followed a former colleague's IG account. We reconnected a few months after I got settled in Savannah. She was excited and busy with a successful fashion company she launched a few years ago. She told me she wanted to do more with her IG account. And then she posted a link to her TEDx talk.

She looked fabulous. None of the years that passed since the last time I saw her showed. I listened intently expecting to hear how she launched her business or how going to an Ivy League graduate school changed the trajectory of her life. Instead I heard about her near-death experience. She was diagnosed with cavernous sinus thrombosis. A condition that left her in a medically induced coma for five days. She recovered from the serious health crisis and remains at the helm of her company, Cepi Style.

Within a matter of days my friend who asked me to help him start his start up told me he is a scheduled speaker at TEDx Savannah on May 11. I adore coincidences but, this confluence of events portended something special. Two TEDx pings in my inner circle in one week? Something big was underfoot. Next I did a little research. TEDx Savannah is a full day of "ideas worth spreading." Intrigued, I dug deeper. When I watch TED talks I get riled up and inspired. I imagined what a day of that kind of stimulation would do to my overactive imagination. I would be overwhelmed. I would want more. One day of ideas could never be enough. I would want to tell the world about it over and over again. I would drive those near and dear to me mad.

I clicked the volunteer button. I had to get behind the curtain, and stave off a potential obsession. I have indulged those and it ain't pretty. Instead I would meet new people and learn new ideas and discuss those ideas and my ideas, and you get the picture. I said a little about myself. I skillfully excluded any penchant for obsessive tendencies and general fan girl inclinations. Then poof, I sent my email into the ether. I did not think about it again until I received a fascinating response from one of the organizers. It began: Dear Mickie, (he had me at dear Mickie) I am thrilled to have you on board for the TEDx Savannah 2018 volunteer team. What happened next gave me the courage to reveal a little known experience of my own.

Until next time on The Cat Who Swallowed the Canary.

The opportunity of a lifetime is within my grasp

Last time on "The Cat Who Swallowed the Canary" I was in a meeting that I thought was a job interview. Reminds me of the time I thought I was on a date with someone who thought we were just friends. Man, that was a bad night, but I digress. Thankfully this scenario has a much better finale. As it turns out the CEO was looking for a brand consultant. Someone who could take stock of the organization and take it to the next level. And just like that the opportunity of a lifetime was in my grasp. It blends everything I have been working towards professionally and personally. All the prayers, all the networking and all the brainstorming finally made sense.

I left the meeting buoyed with optimism and pride that I created an opportunity that did not exist before I walked into that space. He took the meeting out of curiosity, but my suggestions were creative and persuasive enough that he wanted me to work with him, not for him. The role as Creative Director and Consultant is only a few hours a week, but they are of my own design. I went home and thought through what I wanted to accomplish. It is a large task, but I focused on a few areas where I can have a large impact. My proposal included an hourly wage, scope and timeline. He agreed to all in writing with very little fanfare. Outwardly I handled it as a seasoned professional, but inside I was a giddy little girl twirling in her favorite ruffled dress. This is perfect for me, but not enough for me at the same time. I need to work, but I also need a great deal of flexibility because with Ryan gone I am essentially a single parent. I have should have warned you; Capricorns with rising Libras are complicated.

This new endeavor has attracted some interesting attention. A friend asked me for help with his start up. I can hardly believe I wrote that. Yes, someone I know pro-cas (professionally-casually) wants to structure his start up so that I have shares in exchange for my expertise. This is an amazing opportunity that takes me into a dizzying wormhole of possibilities. I am not convinced I have the time to get involved, but I am on long calls with the team deep into the night strategizing how to create buzz around this parking idea. I have plenty on my plate and it could be a while before there is an app and it goes live and contracts are signed. I talk myself out of every call, but talk all night we do, and after every call I wonder how I will feel if I opt out and it is the next Uber, without all the gross stuff of course. Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.