Constant Craving

It feels like I have more decisions to make now that I have a baby to think about. Of course I made decisions before the baby but, now there are so many more. The ones I have to make about Hunter are often challenging. After four months of struggling with breastfeeding I decided to begin the weaning process. He's just not that into to it anymore, and breastfeeding is not one of those things you can force a kid to do. I tried pumping but, the reality is the less time you spend with baby the less milk mom will produce. It's one of those laws of nature.

Other big decisions are on the way. Up next the decision that I will make again and again for the next several years: CHILDCARE. Ryan's mother has been here since April, and my aunt was here before that so Ryan and I have had help almost everyday since we came  home from the hospital. With Gena's scheduled departure quickly approaching we have a few childcare options on the table. Unfortunately Ryan and I do not agree on the same option yet, but I am trying to get him there.

As for the working mom experience, there is a constant craving to quit and stay home with baby. I imagine this feeling will be my constant companion for years to come. Just this Sunday faced with the decision to entrust my child to a stranger, I vividly fantasized about telling my boss I had to quit because I couldn't leave my baby with a babysitter. No matter how I arranged the words in my mouth, they sounded ridiculous coming out. The fact is there are hundreds of thousands of mothers working outside the home and perhaps many more at home raising their childeren. I am not advocating for one or the other. Simply trying to find a way to give my son the best I have to offer through the example I live.

My family can provide more for my son with two incomes, and I want him to grow up with mom that has a career. The jury is still out on which childcare option we will choose, but I know we will make the best decision we can.