My Ongoing Relationship with Work

There are things I absolutely love about my job. Most of all is the sense of purpose and the paycheck it provides. I am having a hard time giving up both, even temporarily. My due date is next Saturday. Most people are surprised to know I am still working,  especially considering the time spent in "lockup." At the end of each OB visit, the Silver Fox, asks, "Are you still working outside the home?" When he asked a few months ago I replied with great pride, "Yes, I work outside the home!" This is probably a good time to describe the typical military lifestyle.

Most American women living in Vicenza are associated with the military base. The majority of them are married to active duty soldiers. Because the Army provides for their basic needs such as housing and utilities, most of them choose not to work. Their age, the average age is 23, lack of work experience and inability to work off the military installation enforce their decision not to seek employment. All this to say most of the American women, even the ones who do not necessarily meet the aforementioned demographic do not work. In this respect I am a bit of an anomaly that I proudly own.

In a recent discussion with my father he summed it succinctly, "I spent too much money on your education to have you waste it." I agree. Then there are those few friends and colleagues who regale me with their tales of working right up to the day they gave birth. The first time I heard a woman say that it sounded crazy, but the more I heard it the more I felt I could join the club, and later felt I should join the club. With just a little over a week left in my pregnancy most people including the Silver Fox are surprised, dismayed even to know I am still working.

The thing is I drive to work and sit at my desk for most of the day. I do not lift or operate heavy machinery. My biggest challenge is walking down the hall to the bathroom, and I have succeeded in getting there every single time. The problem is that some days work can be stressful, and most importantly I am very tired all of the time.

I finally resolved to begin my maternity leave next week, but felt so apprehensive about doing so that convinced myself to come in on Tuesday to wrap things up. I love my job! I don't want to stop working! But I am having my baby soon and I need to get physically as well as emotionally ready. A colleague who had her baby in June asked how my husband feels about me still working. I replied that he is completely aware of who he married. He trusts my judgement to decide when  it is appropriate for me to stop working. He respects and possibly loves my fierce independence. He is not interested in curbing or impeding that. All that being said, next week will be my last week at work until after the baby is here. Yes, I am going back to work after the baby. It is good for the baby to have two working parents. Not only for the financial security, but also to build his own work ethic.

The Best Made Plans

I had high hopes for this weekend. Especially today, Saturday. It has been a rough week, filled with highs and lows and lots in between. Because of my gestational diabetes diagnosis, and my advanced age..my doctor wants to see me twice a week for fetal monitoring until I give birth.  I am required to go to the clinic, climb into a bed, be hooked up to a machine that monitors the baby's heart for 40 minutes twice a week.

I balked at the idea that the Silver Fox, that's what I call my doctor, thought I had 40 spare minutes in my day, twice a week to lay around at the clinic. I had my second session on Friday and it was so nice to have a break in the middle of the morning to put my feet up and listen to my little guy's heart beat for 40 minutes.  This was another lesson in the changing priorities in my life.

I waddled back to work after; all the nurses thinking I was going home. I am not quite ready to stop working. I should be, but I'm not. My job is such a large part of my life and it is odd to think about not having the challenges and opportunities that come with it. I know I have new set of challenges waiting for me when the baby comes, but he is not here yet.

I have been feeling good this week. Tired and uncomfortable, but believing that it would be perfectly reasonable for me to to go the mall to look at Italian baby strollers that just happen to be on sale this month. Everything is on sale this month in Italy. Italians make so many beautiful things, and strollers are no exception. Along with my trip to the mall I added a matinee at the movie theater on post to my plans for the day. Last night before bed, I fantasized about the sense of accomplishment I would feel at the end of today.

When I woke up with vomit surging up my esophagus in the middle of the night I was confused. It felt like a nightmare, but clearly I was awake, and those nachos refused to stay put. I hate throwing up. Not just the heaving, but I worry about the damage the acid will due to my teeth and gums. Pregnant women have vulnerable teeth and gums. I brushed and rinsed with Listerine knowing my father would be proud.

I stumbled back to bed in a cold sweat. Ryan whispered that the nachos he made for me were probably not a good idea so late at night before drifting back to sleep. I slept until 2:30. I did not go to the mall or the movies. I started watching the tv show Girls instead. It is the new Sex and the City, except the girls are in their 20s instead of their 30s. At one point I turned to Ryan and said that we always go out with friends and rarely alone on dates. I was reciting lines from the show, "Are we even dating? Is this relationship going anywhere?!" He turned to look at me, chuckled and said umm ok, then went back building his model tank. We are way beyond dating, but those outbursts sure are fun!