Yesterday President Obama repealed Don't Ask Don't Tell. This is one of those issues where location makes a difference. Before I became an Army wife I believed that gays and lesbians suffered tragically under DADT, but when I came here and began spending my days on an American military installation I realized that those living with DADT, didn't share my fervor. If they did, they couldn't tell me and I couldn't ask.
I was eager to find new gay boyfriends. I had so many in New York; my life was missing their special sparkle. Those who know me well, know that although the law stated I could not ask, I asked.
One night at a house party a few weeks into my arrival in Vicenza my gaydar went off. I sauntered over to the source and struck up a conversation. He was petite, smart and funny, but not well dressed. A new import to Italy, he had trouble finding affordable clothing in his size. I shared a few secrets of my own. Then he said it. He looked deep into my eyes as he said it, but there was very little emotion. The words that ruined my champagne buzz, "I am not going to risk my career to bond with you."
Over dinner the other night, one of my friends compared Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT) to segregation and the prohibition of women in the military. She said the idea of black, whites and women serving together in the military seemed impossible, but now it happens all the time. She hopes it will be the same for gays and lesbians in the military. "Someday," she said, "We will look back at this moment and wonder what all the fuss was about."
Sharing the details about your partner, crush, your most recent one night stand or whatever, are the stuff of long lasting friendships. DADT made this bonding experience impossible. Although my new friend trusted me, he would not risk sharing the details of his most intimate/interesting relationships with me because coming out to me would put his career in jeopardy.
I am looking forward to seeing the changes the new law will bring. I cannot wait for gay nights at the bowling alley and the Pride Parade in June on post. For now my dreams remain the punchlines of jokes.
Veterans of military life tell me change happens slowly in the military. I remind them that June is just enough time to plan a fanciful parade to celebrate Pride in the armed forces.
Happy Pride y'all! Happy Pride.
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